One of the definitions in the
dictionary for the word milestone is “a
significant or important event, e.g. in the history of a country or in
somebody's life.”
I had one of those this morning.
Interestingly, I’ve experienced this same milestone before, but this time it
may have been a little sweeter. Sweeter because I am quite a bit older, a lot
busier, and because I’ve overcome quite a few obstacles that I didn’t really go
through the first time. Sweeter because this
time I did it on my own, for the most part, using my own common sense, but
admittedly with the support and encouragement of several wonderful people.
Sweeter because this time I think I did it RIGHT! I took my time, I made a
plan, I set realistic goals, and I kept my eyes on the prize, as it were. In
the spirit of the “a picture is worth a thousand words” philosophy, here is the
best representation of my accomplishment:
I am FINALLY below 200!! I know…some
of you are thinking this is silly, or maybe big deal…he lost some weight! Well, trust me when I tell you it IS a big
deal, especially at this point in my life. I’m nearly 57 years old, and
although otherwise healthy, I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a disease or
syndrome that can render some people nearly incapacitated, causes great pain,
and can completely defeat one mentally, if one isn’t careful. Research is still
very much alive and dynamic in the field, but little is really know about FM.
One of my symptoms, sadly, or perhaps charitably, is that I am chemically
sensitive to lots of things, including every kind of medication my
rheumatologist tried to give me for the disease. That left me on my own to
educate myself, and to learn how to deal with my life as a man with FM.
Think about having diffuse pain
throughout your body, including ‘hot spots’ or ‘pressure points’ that, when
touched or bumped can almost drop you to your knees. Think about being so
profoundly chronically fatigued at times that you can’t walk up the front steps
at your home, or face walking from your car into work. Now, many people,
including many doctors, will tell you that maintaining an appropriate weight
for your size and exercising will greatly improve your symptoms. Let me see a
show of hands….(I will know if you raised your hand!)….who among you thinks you
would be able to motivate yourselves if you were dealing with the above
symptoms? If you raised your hand, or even THOUGHT sure…I could do that….you’re
kidding yourself. Until you’ve experience what some FM victims go through on a
daily basis, you have no idea how you would react or what you would do. So, it’s easy for people like me to fall into
a bad spiral. I don’t feel well, so I don’t exercise. I don’t exercise,
therefore I put on weight. I put on weight and have low self-esteem, so I eat
more. You can see what a vicious cycle
this can be. Many people may easily become completely disabled, have to quit
jobs, can no longer participate in family activities, keep house for
themselves, cook a meal….the list goes on.
I didn’t want to be like that. I
have a few good years left, hopefully, and I want them to be spent enjoying
family outings; photographing beautiful places; swimming in the ocean every
chance I get; hiking in the many beautiful forests around us and across the
country; continuing the many arts and crafts I enjoy…this list could go ON and
ON, believe me! So, if I was going to get out of my downward spiral, I was
going to have to create a plan. I would have to take things step-by-step, even if
they were small steps, and start climbing back out of this hole….and I was not
very good at steps, remember! I began to diet…trying very hard to follow the
Weight Watchers principles and methods I’d learned earlier. I started at 240
lbs., more than I’d ever weighed in my life. I lost 10 pounds over many weeks,
then just fell off the proverbial wagon, and began creeping slowly back up
again. I hadn’t changed my symptoms any either. CRAP! OK….this was going to
require a NEW plan.
This time, I began by ‘allowing’
myself an indulgence of sorts….a massage every two weeks. I tried this a few
years ago, and while the massage helped, or I thought it did, at least, I
couldn’t, at that time, justify spending that money on myself. (I know…pretty
stupid, huh?!) But I quit going, and convinced myself it was the ‘nobler’ thing
to do. Now, however, that inner voice has changed his tune! I am worth it, damn
it! I know the massage has improved my symptoms by decreasing my pain levels by
what I would estimate is at least 75% most of the time. Do I still have pain?
YES…I sure do. I still have what I call cycles, even though they have no
pattern or rhythm, of pain and chronic fatigue. But you know what? Not nearly
as BAD, and not nearly as OFTEN! So, is it the massage? I can only tell you
that my experience says YES, it is. Since I started, and I’ve been going for
over a year now regularly, almost religiously every two weeks, I have experienced
this marked improvement. If for some reason I have to skip a session and go
three weeks instead of two, I can feel my pain level going up just about the
time I’m coming down to the end of week 3. I’m convinced to the extent that I
don’t want to stop going!
I’m blessed to have found this
particular massage therapist too! Vince Lombardi (yes, that’s his real name)
has, from the beginning, been a healing gift to me. He’s very easy-going, has a
great personality, is very understanding, and we have a lot of the same
viewpoints and philosophies, so I can
now call him a good friend as well. In fact, he was the impetus and inspiration
for my earnestly restarting this weight loss regimen. I was whining and moaning about my
unsuccessful weight loss attempts one day, and noted that the only time I’d
been successful at losing weight was when I had some element of accountability….i.e.
the lady who, at Physicians Weight Loss checked my urine each day (yes she
did!) for ketones, or the lady at the Weight Watchers meeting each week who
weighed me in and either congratulated me or peered disappointed over her
half-glasses at me. Without missing a beat, Vince suggested that he would be my
accountability measure. I was visiting him every two weeks, so why not let him
check my weight? Hmmm, I thought. Well, that could work. He also suggested I
use all the other tools that worked for me in the past, such as writing down what
I eat each day, weighing myself every morning at the same time, recording
everything, etc. And the best thing he’s done, aside from an outstanding
massage every two weeks, is continually inspire me to keep going. He’s also
constantly sharing great tips on changing my dietary habits! BINGO! Vince lives
an almost-vegetarian existence, but eats organic fresh foods whenever possible.
I needed to start somewhere….this seemed like a good place!
So, the next step for me was to try
eating healthier foods…organic when possible, fresh when possible, and more
vegetables and fruits. I also cut nearly all processed foods out of my diet…even
those prepackaged meals that are supposed to have been created for weight-loss
programs: gone. Diet foods: gone. All sodas: gone. Artificial sweeteners or
refined sugars: gone. Highly-refined grains and grain products: gone.
Fast-forward to this morning. (I
really hadn’t intended to get this detailed when I thought about writing this
blog post, but it all seems pertinent when I see it on the screen in front of
me!) Actually yesterday when I stepped
on the scales, I knew I would be close this 200 mark, and I was. 200.2 to be
exact. And, let’s be honest, if I’d had a good bowel movement, (hey, don’t
flinch…we all have them!) I would have reached the goal then! But,
realistically, I knew I’d have to wait until today to officially be able to
proclaim that I had reached this one peak on my journey…I’d dropped below
200.
So 40 pounds of my former self have
been deposited in various places, or evaporated, or melted, or whatever they
do, and my day is much brighter, despite the gray cloudy day! I am more easily walking,
hiking, playing, and generally living
than I have in years. I have a pact with myself to take the steps (58 to be
exact) at least 4 times a week now to get to my office. I often walk during
lunch up and down the hills of the university campus where I work, or over in
the adjacent city park. I have leather-punched two extra holes in most of the
belts I wear regularly. I am forced to pull clothes from the back of the closet
that (thank God!) I saved from thinner days. I have even bought a couple new ‘skinnier’
things to wear…just because! I have grown my beard out a little, since a beard
no longer makes my face look fat. My dear wife, Ruth, who is always supportive,
even tells me from time to time that I’m looking good! I had a real ‘AHA!’
moment a week or so ago when a friend took a picture of me with my family,
singing at an open mic night, and showed it to me. Oh my gosh, I thought….I
really AM losing weight! WOW, I looked almost normal! That was not what I was
used to seeing when someone showed me a picture of myself! It’s those little
triumphs……
Thank you for allowing me to share this
experience. Take note, however, this was only ONE milestone. I’m not finished.
I have a final goal in mind as far as numbers, so you will hear from me again,
I’m sure. Meanwhile, I’ve decided to
continue blogging here on my “Walk a Mile in my Merrells” site from time to
time. I find that writing affords me the opportunity to not only share, but to
more carefully observe, to purge in a cathartic sort of way, and to analyze and
organize my thoughts into something more meaningful for me. Obviously, I’ve taken a more holistic approach to MYSELF, and
as Martha Stewart often says, “That’s a GOOD thing!”