WEDDINGS AND WILLPOWER

Voltaire said, “Moderation is the pleasure of the wise.” Well, without realizing Voltaire’s connection to that philosophy, I think I have always tried to live by that…sometimes more successfully than others! As you may know, I recently publicly patted myself on the back for a 40-lb. weight loss here on my blog. Immediately after that, I traveled out of town to attend the wedding of the son of a dear family friend…or I should probably say FAMILY. We spent the weekend at our friend’s house, trying in whatever way we could to help with the wedding preparations, the rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding. As you know, we Americans have turned weddings in this country into major events, and few major events of course are unaccompanied by inordinate amounts of food!! I knew this was going to be a test!

My first line of defense was my own food from home. I knew my friends would not feel hurt if I pulled out my own bagel thins and fruit for breakfast or lunch, so I packed some basics: bagel thins, apples, bananas, low-fat peanut butter, raw almonds, some pretzels for quick crunchy on-the-go snack, and my large water bottle. This served me very well in helping me ignore the pancakes and syrup, or the Sara Lee Butter Coffee Cake they warmed for breakfasts. Ruth and I also popped over to Trader Joe’s one afternoon to get a few things to take home, and while there, picked up some organic yogurt and some pretzel chips, which we had for lunch one of the days. The rehearsal dinner and wedding feasts were another story, however!

For the rehearsal dinner, which was served at our friends’ home, she had bought huge trays of thinly-sliced cold cuts and cheese, along with trays of some raw veggies, and then had several wonderful artisanal breads on which to make sandwiches. Dips, spreads, chips, condiments….the works! As my wife and I went about setting out most of the food, it took every ounce of willpower I could muster not to just stop and eat up some of EVERYTHING! But, I managed to only munch a few things….obstacle #1 over! As the guests arrived, and as people began eating, I realized I was getting pretty hungry, so I decided to eat a little something. Two slices of the bread with the most visible whole grains, a single slice of ham, one of provolone cheese, and I sped away from the table, directly to the counter where the veggies were hanging out. A handful of cauliflower and celery, a small amount of spinach dip, and a bit of onion dip, a few pretzels, a cup of filtered water, and I found a seat and began to eat.

“OH, GEORGE!” I tried to ignore it. “OH, GEOOORRGE!” it persisted. Stay strong, I told myself. I recognized that siren’s voice as that of the cake that sat on the dining room table! Back, you vixen, I thought to myself! BACK I SAY! And yet, the next thing I knew I was standing over her, this tall, creamy stack of deliciousness, and I didn’t even remember walking back into that room! OK…so, she and I were going to have to compromise! I agreed to eat just a little, if she would release this hold she had over me and let me continue my evening relatively guilt-free. She relented, and I conceded, and I ate a very small piece of cake, which, by the way, was close to heavenly! Obstacle #2: done. I went to bed that night, knowing that I had strayed from my routine a bit, but content that moderation in the forms of quality of food and portion control would be my saviors.

Suffice it to say that over the two very full days we were there, through a wedding rehearsal and a wedding, I continually opted for either my own fruit, whole grain breads, peanut butter, etc. or I very carefully chose from the fare that was served, eating only small portions of anything I took, trying to stick to the things I know to be low in calories and/or fat. I did give in to a couple of indulgences, including the delicious wedding cake! At the wedding, I also imbibed a little, with a small glass of white wine and three beers before the evening was over! I feel like I dodged nearly every obstacle and cleared every hurdle keenly and with grace!  

On the return trip home, we stopped to visit with our youngest son and take him to dinner. His choice was a major Italian chain restaurant. I figured I could get a salad or something simple like that. Unfortunately, I’ve never been crazy about vinegar and oil dressings, which is what all their salads contain. I couldn’t eat very much, and it wasn’t very satisfying to me. I decided to order something else from the menu that I could at least enjoy, using some of the portion control rules. I selected the personal pizza. I got only a small amount of topping…Italian sausage…and a cup of coffee. When the pizza came, I had already made up my mind to only eat a portion of it, and to ask for a box so as to take the rest home for another day. Later, on the way home, I lamented at a big chain convenience store/gas station that one of the things I was going to miss most when traveling was their donut holes!

So, oddly, as careful as I thought I was being, I got up the next morning, emptied my bladder and stepped on the scales, as I have done every day now for months, and I had put on about a pound and a half. Not really unusual, but I can’t say I was very happy about it! Back to my routine! My diet his week was going to have to be a bit more regulated! Back to my bagel thin or cereal and almond milk for breakfast. Back to my fruit and Greek yogurts for lunch. Oh, and just before we had left for the weekend, my new HealthMaster blender had arrived, and I hadn’t even had time to try it out yet…..so the new stream in my journey was going to be filled with all kinds of combinations of fruits, vegetables and grains! I figure those recipes are going to be good blog food for a while!

MOUNTAINS AND MILESTONES

One of the definitions in the dictionary for the word milestone is “a significant or important event, e.g. in the history of a country or in somebody's life.”

I had one of those this morning. Interestingly, I’ve experienced this same milestone before, but this time it may have been a little sweeter. Sweeter because I am quite a bit older, a lot busier, and because I’ve overcome quite a few obstacles that I didn’t really go through the first time.  Sweeter because this time I did it on my own, for the most part, using my own common sense, but admittedly with the support and encouragement of several wonderful people. Sweeter because this time I think I did it RIGHT! I took my time, I made a plan, I set realistic goals, and I kept my eyes on the prize, as it were. In the spirit of the “a picture is worth a thousand words” philosophy, here is the best representation of my accomplishment:

I am FINALLY below 200!! I know…some of you are thinking this is silly, or maybe big deal…he lost some weight!  Well, trust me when I tell you it IS a big deal, especially at this point in my life. I’m nearly 57 years old, and although otherwise healthy, I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a disease or syndrome that can render some people nearly incapacitated, causes great pain, and can completely defeat one mentally, if one isn’t careful. Research is still very much alive and dynamic in the field, but little is really know about FM. One of my symptoms, sadly, or perhaps charitably, is that I am chemically sensitive to lots of things, including every kind of medication my rheumatologist tried to give me for the disease. That left me on my own to educate myself, and to learn how to deal with my life as a man with FM.

Think about having diffuse pain throughout your body, including ‘hot spots’ or ‘pressure points’ that, when touched or bumped can almost drop you to your knees. Think about being so profoundly chronically fatigued at times that you can’t walk up the front steps at your home, or face walking from your car into work. Now, many people, including many doctors, will tell you that maintaining an appropriate weight for your size and exercising will greatly improve your symptoms. Let me see a show of hands….(I will know if you raised your hand!)….who among you thinks you would be able to motivate yourselves if you were dealing with the above symptoms? If you raised your hand, or even THOUGHT sure…I could do that….you’re kidding yourself. Until you’ve experience what some FM victims go through on a daily basis, you have no idea how you would react or what you would do.  So, it’s easy for people like me to fall into a bad spiral. I don’t feel well, so I don’t exercise. I don’t exercise, therefore I put on weight. I put on weight and have low self-esteem, so I eat more.  You can see what a vicious cycle this can be. Many people may easily become completely disabled, have to quit jobs, can no longer participate in family activities, keep house for themselves, cook a meal….the list goes on.

I didn’t want to be like that. I have a few good years left, hopefully, and I want them to be spent enjoying family outings; photographing beautiful places; swimming in the ocean every chance I get; hiking in the many beautiful forests around us and across the country; continuing the many arts and crafts I enjoy…this list could go ON and ON, believe me! So, if I was going to get out of my downward spiral, I was going to have to create a plan. I would have to take things step-by-step, even if they were small steps, and start climbing back out of this hole….and I was not very good at steps, remember! I began to diet…trying very hard to follow the Weight Watchers principles and methods I’d learned earlier. I started at 240 lbs., more than I’d ever weighed in my life. I lost 10 pounds over many weeks, then just fell off the proverbial wagon, and began creeping slowly back up again. I hadn’t changed my symptoms any either. CRAP! OK….this was going to require a NEW plan.

This time, I began by ‘allowing’ myself an indulgence of sorts….a massage every two weeks. I tried this a few years ago, and while the massage helped, or I thought it did, at least, I couldn’t, at that time, justify spending that money on myself. (I know…pretty stupid, huh?!) But I quit going, and convinced myself it was the ‘nobler’ thing to do. Now, however, that inner voice has changed his tune! I am worth it, damn it! I know the massage has improved my symptoms by decreasing my pain levels by what I would estimate is at least 75% most of the time. Do I still have pain? YES…I sure do. I still have what I call cycles, even though they have no pattern or rhythm, of pain and chronic fatigue. But you know what? Not nearly as BAD, and not nearly as OFTEN! So, is it the massage? I can only tell you that my experience says YES, it is. Since I started, and I’ve been going for over a year now regularly, almost religiously every two weeks, I have experienced this marked improvement. If for some reason I have to skip a session and go three weeks instead of two, I can feel my pain level going up just about the time I’m coming down to the end of week 3. I’m convinced to the extent that I don’t want to stop going!

I’m blessed to have found this particular massage therapist too! Vince Lombardi (yes, that’s his real name) has, from the beginning, been a healing gift to me. He’s very easy-going, has a great personality, is very understanding, and we have a lot of the same viewpoints and philosophies, so  I can now call him a good friend as well. In fact, he was the impetus and inspiration for my earnestly restarting this weight loss regimen.  I was whining and moaning about my unsuccessful weight loss attempts one day, and noted that the only time I’d been successful at losing weight was when I had some element of accountability….i.e. the lady who, at Physicians Weight Loss checked my urine each day (yes she did!) for ketones, or the lady at the Weight Watchers meeting each week who weighed me in and either congratulated me or peered disappointed over her half-glasses at me. Without missing a beat, Vince suggested that he would be my accountability measure. I was visiting him every two weeks, so why not let him check my weight? Hmmm, I thought. Well, that could work. He also suggested I use all the other tools that worked for me in the past, such as writing down what I eat each day, weighing myself every morning at the same time, recording everything, etc. And the best thing he’s done, aside from an outstanding massage every two weeks, is continually inspire me to keep going. He’s also constantly sharing great tips on changing my dietary habits! BINGO! Vince lives an almost-vegetarian existence, but eats organic fresh foods whenever possible. I needed to start somewhere….this seemed like a good place!

So, the next step for me was to try eating healthier foods…organic when possible, fresh when possible, and more vegetables and fruits. I also cut nearly all processed foods out of my diet…even those prepackaged meals that are supposed to have been created for weight-loss programs: gone. Diet foods: gone. All sodas: gone. Artificial sweeteners or refined sugars: gone. Highly-refined grains and grain products: gone.  

Fast-forward to this morning. (I really hadn’t intended to get this detailed when I thought about writing this blog post, but it all seems pertinent when I see it on the screen in front of me!)  Actually yesterday when I stepped on the scales, I knew I would be close this 200 mark, and I was. 200.2 to be exact. And, let’s be honest, if I’d had a good bowel movement, (hey, don’t flinch…we all have them!) I would have reached the goal then! But, realistically, I knew I’d have to wait until today to officially be able to proclaim that I had reached this one peak on my journey…I’d dropped below 200.

So 40 pounds of my former self have been deposited in various places, or evaporated, or melted, or whatever they do, and my day is much brighter, despite the gray cloudy day! I am more easily walking, hiking, playing, and generally living than I have in years. I have a pact with myself to take the steps (58 to be exact) at least 4 times a week now to get to my office. I often walk during lunch up and down the hills of the university campus where I work, or over in the adjacent city park. I have leather-punched two extra holes in most of the belts I wear regularly. I am forced to pull clothes from the back of the closet that (thank God!) I saved from thinner days. I have even bought a couple new ‘skinnier’ things to wear…just because! I have grown my beard out a little, since a beard no longer makes my face look fat. My dear wife, Ruth, who is always supportive, even tells me from time to time that I’m looking good! I had a real ‘AHA!’ moment a week or so ago when a friend took a picture of me with my family, singing at an open mic night, and showed it to me. Oh my gosh, I thought….I really AM losing weight! WOW, I looked almost normal! That was not what I was used to seeing when someone showed me a picture of myself! It’s those little triumphs……

 Thank you for allowing me to share this experience. Take note, however, this was only ONE milestone. I’m not finished. I have a final goal in mind as far as numbers, so you will hear from me again, I’m sure.  Meanwhile, I’ve decided to continue blogging here on my “Walk a Mile in my Merrells” site from time to time. I find that writing affords me the opportunity to not only share, but to more carefully observe, to purge in a cathartic sort of way, and to analyze and organize my thoughts into something more meaningful for me. Obviously, I’ve taken a more holistic approach to MYSELF, and as Martha Stewart often says, “That’s a GOOD thing!”