MOUNTAINS AND MILESTONES

One of the definitions in the dictionary for the word milestone is “a significant or important event, e.g. in the history of a country or in somebody's life.”

I had one of those this morning. Interestingly, I’ve experienced this same milestone before, but this time it may have been a little sweeter. Sweeter because I am quite a bit older, a lot busier, and because I’ve overcome quite a few obstacles that I didn’t really go through the first time.  Sweeter because this time I did it on my own, for the most part, using my own common sense, but admittedly with the support and encouragement of several wonderful people. Sweeter because this time I think I did it RIGHT! I took my time, I made a plan, I set realistic goals, and I kept my eyes on the prize, as it were. In the spirit of the “a picture is worth a thousand words” philosophy, here is the best representation of my accomplishment:

I am FINALLY below 200!! I know…some of you are thinking this is silly, or maybe big deal…he lost some weight!  Well, trust me when I tell you it IS a big deal, especially at this point in my life. I’m nearly 57 years old, and although otherwise healthy, I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a disease or syndrome that can render some people nearly incapacitated, causes great pain, and can completely defeat one mentally, if one isn’t careful. Research is still very much alive and dynamic in the field, but little is really know about FM. One of my symptoms, sadly, or perhaps charitably, is that I am chemically sensitive to lots of things, including every kind of medication my rheumatologist tried to give me for the disease. That left me on my own to educate myself, and to learn how to deal with my life as a man with FM.

Think about having diffuse pain throughout your body, including ‘hot spots’ or ‘pressure points’ that, when touched or bumped can almost drop you to your knees. Think about being so profoundly chronically fatigued at times that you can’t walk up the front steps at your home, or face walking from your car into work. Now, many people, including many doctors, will tell you that maintaining an appropriate weight for your size and exercising will greatly improve your symptoms. Let me see a show of hands….(I will know if you raised your hand!)….who among you thinks you would be able to motivate yourselves if you were dealing with the above symptoms? If you raised your hand, or even THOUGHT sure…I could do that….you’re kidding yourself. Until you’ve experience what some FM victims go through on a daily basis, you have no idea how you would react or what you would do.  So, it’s easy for people like me to fall into a bad spiral. I don’t feel well, so I don’t exercise. I don’t exercise, therefore I put on weight. I put on weight and have low self-esteem, so I eat more.  You can see what a vicious cycle this can be. Many people may easily become completely disabled, have to quit jobs, can no longer participate in family activities, keep house for themselves, cook a meal….the list goes on.

I didn’t want to be like that. I have a few good years left, hopefully, and I want them to be spent enjoying family outings; photographing beautiful places; swimming in the ocean every chance I get; hiking in the many beautiful forests around us and across the country; continuing the many arts and crafts I enjoy…this list could go ON and ON, believe me! So, if I was going to get out of my downward spiral, I was going to have to create a plan. I would have to take things step-by-step, even if they were small steps, and start climbing back out of this hole….and I was not very good at steps, remember! I began to diet…trying very hard to follow the Weight Watchers principles and methods I’d learned earlier. I started at 240 lbs., more than I’d ever weighed in my life. I lost 10 pounds over many weeks, then just fell off the proverbial wagon, and began creeping slowly back up again. I hadn’t changed my symptoms any either. CRAP! OK….this was going to require a NEW plan.

This time, I began by ‘allowing’ myself an indulgence of sorts….a massage every two weeks. I tried this a few years ago, and while the massage helped, or I thought it did, at least, I couldn’t, at that time, justify spending that money on myself. (I know…pretty stupid, huh?!) But I quit going, and convinced myself it was the ‘nobler’ thing to do. Now, however, that inner voice has changed his tune! I am worth it, damn it! I know the massage has improved my symptoms by decreasing my pain levels by what I would estimate is at least 75% most of the time. Do I still have pain? YES…I sure do. I still have what I call cycles, even though they have no pattern or rhythm, of pain and chronic fatigue. But you know what? Not nearly as BAD, and not nearly as OFTEN! So, is it the massage? I can only tell you that my experience says YES, it is. Since I started, and I’ve been going for over a year now regularly, almost religiously every two weeks, I have experienced this marked improvement. If for some reason I have to skip a session and go three weeks instead of two, I can feel my pain level going up just about the time I’m coming down to the end of week 3. I’m convinced to the extent that I don’t want to stop going!

I’m blessed to have found this particular massage therapist too! Vince Lombardi (yes, that’s his real name) has, from the beginning, been a healing gift to me. He’s very easy-going, has a great personality, is very understanding, and we have a lot of the same viewpoints and philosophies, so  I can now call him a good friend as well. In fact, he was the impetus and inspiration for my earnestly restarting this weight loss regimen.  I was whining and moaning about my unsuccessful weight loss attempts one day, and noted that the only time I’d been successful at losing weight was when I had some element of accountability….i.e. the lady who, at Physicians Weight Loss checked my urine each day (yes she did!) for ketones, or the lady at the Weight Watchers meeting each week who weighed me in and either congratulated me or peered disappointed over her half-glasses at me. Without missing a beat, Vince suggested that he would be my accountability measure. I was visiting him every two weeks, so why not let him check my weight? Hmmm, I thought. Well, that could work. He also suggested I use all the other tools that worked for me in the past, such as writing down what I eat each day, weighing myself every morning at the same time, recording everything, etc. And the best thing he’s done, aside from an outstanding massage every two weeks, is continually inspire me to keep going. He’s also constantly sharing great tips on changing my dietary habits! BINGO! Vince lives an almost-vegetarian existence, but eats organic fresh foods whenever possible. I needed to start somewhere….this seemed like a good place!

So, the next step for me was to try eating healthier foods…organic when possible, fresh when possible, and more vegetables and fruits. I also cut nearly all processed foods out of my diet…even those prepackaged meals that are supposed to have been created for weight-loss programs: gone. Diet foods: gone. All sodas: gone. Artificial sweeteners or refined sugars: gone. Highly-refined grains and grain products: gone.  

Fast-forward to this morning. (I really hadn’t intended to get this detailed when I thought about writing this blog post, but it all seems pertinent when I see it on the screen in front of me!)  Actually yesterday when I stepped on the scales, I knew I would be close this 200 mark, and I was. 200.2 to be exact. And, let’s be honest, if I’d had a good bowel movement, (hey, don’t flinch…we all have them!) I would have reached the goal then! But, realistically, I knew I’d have to wait until today to officially be able to proclaim that I had reached this one peak on my journey…I’d dropped below 200.

So 40 pounds of my former self have been deposited in various places, or evaporated, or melted, or whatever they do, and my day is much brighter, despite the gray cloudy day! I am more easily walking, hiking, playing, and generally living than I have in years. I have a pact with myself to take the steps (58 to be exact) at least 4 times a week now to get to my office. I often walk during lunch up and down the hills of the university campus where I work, or over in the adjacent city park. I have leather-punched two extra holes in most of the belts I wear regularly. I am forced to pull clothes from the back of the closet that (thank God!) I saved from thinner days. I have even bought a couple new ‘skinnier’ things to wear…just because! I have grown my beard out a little, since a beard no longer makes my face look fat. My dear wife, Ruth, who is always supportive, even tells me from time to time that I’m looking good! I had a real ‘AHA!’ moment a week or so ago when a friend took a picture of me with my family, singing at an open mic night, and showed it to me. Oh my gosh, I thought….I really AM losing weight! WOW, I looked almost normal! That was not what I was used to seeing when someone showed me a picture of myself! It’s those little triumphs……

 Thank you for allowing me to share this experience. Take note, however, this was only ONE milestone. I’m not finished. I have a final goal in mind as far as numbers, so you will hear from me again, I’m sure.  Meanwhile, I’ve decided to continue blogging here on my “Walk a Mile in my Merrells” site from time to time. I find that writing affords me the opportunity to not only share, but to more carefully observe, to purge in a cathartic sort of way, and to analyze and organize my thoughts into something more meaningful for me. Obviously, I’ve taken a more holistic approach to MYSELF, and as Martha Stewart often says, “That’s a GOOD thing!”